Monday, November 19, 2012

Tease Me, Baby! - World War Z

NOTE: This article was originally posted by me on

Ok folks, I was supposed to have this reviewed for the past week and a half. However, I was struck down with the nastiest of flu. Man-flu. My body ached, I could only barely move, I groaned, and my skin looked pale and... life... less. Oh crap. You guys. I think I became a zombie! AAAAAAH!

Well, maybe this will help me write this review of the, let's be nice and say "controversial", trailer for the universally adored book by Max Brooks. World War Z is a favourite of mine. It was stunningly written and featured ideas and scenarios that are not only highly original in the zombie genre but also incredibly haunting in their severity and realism. I know talking about realism in a zombie story seems silly but Brooks creates a world that logically reacts to an illogical problem.

World War Z the movie however seems to be very different. I'll get into the specifics after the video but the low-down is that Brad Pitt seems to be an important person and he has to get his family to safety from the crazy, running, rubbery looking bad guys who may or may not be zombies, it's hard to tell. Yeah. Just watch.

Oy... Alright. Let's do this.

- Target Practice

One of the things I really liked about the books is the military response to the zombie threat as it was something we don't normally see. The presence of the government and the military is usually missing from most zombie movies, it's kind of a hallmark of the genre. In this trailer however we can see them in action...

... against these really fast, rubbery, bouncing, super strong creatures. So I guess we still won't see the military in a zombie movie.

- Who The F&%$ Are You?

Rather than the world expanding stories of the book we're instead going to follow the tale of one man and his family. Which, I suppose, isn't the worst but honestly I don't care about the kids. Kids have no place in a zombie movie unless they're a creepy zombie themselves or their name is Carl Grimes.

And who is that kid at the front? Where did they pick him up from? Brad's character only has two daughters, this kid just decides to tag along!

- In The Navy

One of the most memorable stories from the book involves terror under the sea with some messed up submarine-versus-zombies tales. Will we get to see any of that in this movie?

Probably not. But we might get to see Brad Pitt in some naval gear. Silver linings, folks.

- Stop That, Zombies. You're Zombies, You Don't Do That

I'm more than happy to debate the merit of fast vs slow zombies. I'm also willing to debate whether or not fast zombies are actual zombies at all. But nobody, and I mean nobody, can tell me that these things, creating a little ladder for themselves here, are anything like the creatures described in the book.

Not even a little bit. They have arms, legs, and a head to aim for, that's about it.


Overall: Look, I'm not an idiot. I know that if the title World War Z wasn't attached to this movie I would be super excited to see it. It could be a crazy ass action movie with Brad Pitt. How could that be wrong?

But the problem is, it does have WWZ on the title and therefore I have to hold it to that standard, which means right now this turd is failing. There has been reports of terrible delays and set problems from the beginning with this film so maybe it was doomed long ago but they're going to have to release a trailer a hell of a lot better than this if they want me to buy a ticket.

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