Saturday, September 17, 2011

A Story Of Awkward Dating (in Rhyme)

I posted this earlier in the week on my Tumblr page but figured that it was worth re-posting here for any non-tumbling readers I have.
It is neither a poem nor a song but merely something I wrote. I hope you enjoy.

My pursuit of you ran far too long.
Still can’t believe you came along
And that I managed the guts to ask you out here.
My heart really skipped when you said yes.
Skipped twice more when you wore that dress
And now I’m shaking with excitement and fear.
The meal was good but not too cheap.
Don’t want you to think that I’m a creep
But times are tough and I’m still on a budget.
That’s why I’m now walking you home.
Your taxi suggestion only got a groan
Because I couldn’t quite empty out my wallet.
You say “oh look at that bright star,
isn’t it romantic so very far
away and maybe if we wish it might…”
Sorry to interrupt you dear,
However, I think you need to hear
That’s no star it’s actually a satellite.

And I thought it was going so well.

You pestered me to go on this date.
I finally gave in just to make you
Stop harrassing me morning, noon and night.
My friends thought I was crazy
To even give you a maybe
But I figured how bad could it be, right?
Little did I know that you’d be a pain
Not just for my feet but you remain
To be the most boring man I think I’ve ever met.
So forgive me for trying to take a chance
And thinking I might find some romance
With a man who smells like alcohol and regret.

Shove your fucking satellite up your arse.

How could I think she’d be my wife?
I could never spend my life
With a woman who doesn’t understand outer space.
I should have known it wouldn’t work,
She won’t be the Mindy to my Mork,
When she pointed out the food stuck in my brace.
I’ll go home now and play online
I think I’ve been doing just fine
As the woodland Elf from the land of Middle Earth.
I’ll find someone else, maybe.
Not a woman but a lady
Who’ll love me for my space facts and my girth.