Monday, December 12, 2011

Tease Me, Baby! - Battleship

NOTE: This article was originally posted by me on

This is one of those train-wreck movie ideas that really demands my interest because it's just so hilariously misguided. Yes, this is indeed based on the board-game of our youth. Yes, it does star both Liam Neeson and pop singer Rihanna. And no, I can't wait for it either.

When the announcement was made a year or two back that this was in production it raised not much more than the typical chuckling and eye-rolling from online community that you'd expect. Many a joke was made about a possible Snakes & Ladders movie starring Samuel L. Jackson (that may just be me making that one up, but c'mon, you'd watch it too) and we all dismissed it as a bad idea that might never happen anyway.

Well it did, and it's here. And I can't wait to see the trailer, can you? Let's watch.

- Wait.. What?

You know when they boast that a film is "from the producers of that big film you like" or "from the makers of that similar kind of film"?

Have you ever seen them boast that it's from the makers of those TOYS you like? No, me neither. Welcome to a whole new world, folks. It's only going to get uglier from here...

- So uh, aliens

Anyone see this coming?

I look forward to the alternative game version where one side is lime green and the battleship is shaped like a saucer.

- It's a metaphor or something

Want to see this movie summed up in a facial expression?

Yeah, we don't know why you're in this movie either Alexander Skarsgard. You're much better than this.

- Wanna blow some stuff up?

I'm not gonna lie, some of the action in this looks cool and there seems to be a hell of a lot of it.

But far too much of the design (and sound effects) mimic the Transformers franchise. Like, REALLY mimic it. To the point where a lot of this looks like a spin-off movie rather than one of it's own making. That might be a good thing for some more than others.


Overall: This will either be awesome or terrible. There is no middle ground here. So far, it's wacky enough to have my attention. It could be a fun action flick. I just hope that the writing won't be as bad as the movies this is trying so hard to look like.

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